1 Corinthians 7:2-5 (NLT) Because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband.

First of all, Paul says sex belongs in marriage. That means sex outside of marriage is immoral. (Hey what's immoral mean? See footnote 1). Paul also means sex in marriage is not only not immoral it is encouraged. Paul affirms the sex drive is God given. God's design for sex in the marriage is to be so regular and so mutually satisfying that it become the premiere preventative to immorality. Paul goes on.

v3a The husband should not deprive his wife of sexual intimacy, which is her right as a married woman. . . 

Dude get with your wife! You owe her loving kindness and it includes physical _expression. King James, awkwardly for the 21C, has "render unto the wife due benevolence. " The NAS has, "fulfill his duty to his wife." In some circles this allowed sex to be relegated a duty one must take one's turn doing. Not only does sex with that attitude "I am doing my duty" not mutually satisfy, but it misses the context of the sexual relationship. The New King James helps with its reading, "render to his wife the affection due her." Husband you owe your wife a debt of affection that can only be satisfied when it is offered with gratifying sexual intimacy. Paul says, Guys, pay up!

Now the table turns, v3b nor should the wife deprive her husband.

Ladies everything that applies to the husband applies to the woman. This requires reciprocal devotion to one another. Both husband and wife owe sexual fulfillment to their marriage. The language Paul uses puts sexual intimacy as something each partner owes the other as part of the marriage covenant. Paul says, Ladies, keep the debt paid up!

The drive for sex will ebb and flow in a marriage. Sometimes it may seem so natural. Other times It may take some work.2 But it is work that marriage partners should be doing together, finding ways to give and receive. The husband should not deprive his wife of sexual intimacy, which is her right as a married woman nor should the wife deprive her husband. If you take the bible seriously this is not a suggestion, it is a command (present active imperative).

To those outside of marriage and longing for sexual fulfillment, the need for a command to have sex must sound crazy! One would think no command was required! But there is a command for compatibility. Coming together in sexual intimacy is integral to God's design for a harmonious existence between husband and wife.

So is this some kind of "Go ahead, do me. Just hurry up," obligatory permissiveness or abuse? No. On the other hand some people read this and think this gives carte blanche physical rights to do what they want when they want without regard for the other person. That is not true. Still other people read this and think Paul has a low view of marriage that is simply utilitarian. None of these ideas could be further from God's heart.

You have to remember Paul is writing to Corinth which in dire need for some practical direction and preventatives. To understand Paul's view of sex in marriage, keep his insight on marriage to the Ephesians believers in view. Ephesians 5:24-25 (NLT) As the church submits to Christ, so you wives must submit to your husbands in everything. And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church. He gave up his life for her. Sex in marriage is part of a loving and submitting relationship. When we merely have sex without the love relationship its like appearing at the summit of the world's highest mountain and leaving without ever acknowledging the mountain is there. We miss the person sex is suppose to offer a crown.

Turning the table again, when we try to have the love relationship without sex we deprive one another of what should be the pinnacle of relationship. From a biblical perspective, sex without love, like love without sex leaves a marriage limping. Though Michele Weiner-Davis doesn't acknowledge a biblical world view, she affirms Paul's concerns in the book, The Sex Starved Marriage.

Sex is an extremely important part of marriage. When it's good, it offers couples opportunities to give and receive physical pleasure, to connect emotionally and spiritually. It builds closeness, intimacy and a sense of partnership. It defines their relationship as different from all others. In short, sex is a powerful tie that binds.

. . . When one spouse isn't interested in sex, the touching, kissing, and other forms of physical affection and intimacy often drop out as well. Spouses distance from each other emotionally. They carry on their lives together in much the same way that two toddlers might engage in parallel play- involved in similar activities in close proximity, but without meaningful connection. Marriage becomes mechanical. Friendship often evaporates. Anger bubbles just below the surface. Misunderstandings abound. Emotional divorce becomes inevitable. The Sex-Starved Marriage: A Couple's Guide to Boosting Their Marital Libido, Michele Weiner-Davis http://divorcebusting.com/dbsex.mv?ARTID=sex_ch1

When a marriage is limping like this, the moral preventive inherent in marriage is breached. When we establish lives with a gapping hole where sexual intimacy belongs, the likelihood that we will one day get a whiff of the cologne or the perfume outside our own marriage increases. In the Japanese article, of 300 sexless husbands surveyed affections strayed with 64.2 percent of men in their 30s and 62.7 percent in their 40s admitting to infidelity.  http://mdn.mainichi-msn.co.jp/waiwai/news/20051105p2g00m0dm026000c.html  Mainichi Daily Times Nov 11, 2005  

Paul again speaks to our culture with words that sting in verse four. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband also gives authority over his body to his wife.

The big right today is, what I do with my body is nobody's business. Paul says that is bunk. The 2003 Sexless Marriage Newsweek article says;

For many couples, consciously or not, sex has become a weapon. A lot of women out there are mad. They're mad that their husband couldn't find the babysitter's home number if his life depended on it. But men are mad, too. They may not be perfect, but most husbands today do far more around the house then their fathers would have ever dreamed of doing. Experts say very few women openly withhold sex. More often, lingering resentments slowly drive a wedge between partners.

Paul is telling us neither the husband nor the wife possess sole authority over their body. This is an authority that belongs to us that we are to give to one another because we are married. The authority over my body is something I have no right to hold onto as my sole possession within a marriage that I want to afford the opportunity of joy and success.

So Paul says in verse five; Do not deprive each other of sexual relations. The only exception to this rule would be the agreement of both husband and wife to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time, so they can give themselves more completely to prayer. Afterward they should come together again so that Satan won't be able to tempt them because of their lack of self-control.

Simply stated if you married people don't want to clear the way for Satan to attack your lack of self control, give up a little control, love a little more and enjoy more sex!

Sex impoverished marriages are not God's will and they null the preventatives for immorality. If we don't seek to satisfy each other at home, relational intimacy will find its limit and satisfaction for God given sex drives and relational intimacy will be found where it should not be sought. 3 Following Paul's line of preventatives, I want to leave you with three thoughts from Dr. Shirley Glass' book, Not Just Friends.

Infidelity requires attraction, opportunity, and failure to follow precautions. But the best thing you can do to insure sex don't stray from your marriage is, keep sex in your marriage.